I’ve often been told I’m quite easy to please… with romance books that is; but there are certain themes that have me pursing my lips, (much like Rene Zellweger) in displeasure. Color me unsophisticated, picky or weird, but I can’t seem to hack books with the following themes:
Mobster Motifs: Whenever I come across a book that has someone running from the mob, trying to get out of the mob, or an ex-girlfriend of a monster, etc. I immediately put it back and move onto something else. Why? I blame hubs. Mr. Smokin’ watches Casino and The Sopranos religiously,(I’m talking about at least a few times a month) and this seems to have turned me off of Mafioso’s completely. Leonardo Dicaprio in The Departed is the ONLY exception (Or as my Dad likes to refer to him as Lenard Dicaprio). Plus, I’m pretty sure that I was served by a guy who I’m pretty sure was in the Mob. Yes it was a restaurant in Mission Viejo, but come on. What beefy guy wearing a $2k Armani suit serving hor’sdevours tells my husband ‘tanks for da respect’. True story people. So in closing, The Sopranos and my husband have ruined this popular story arc for me.
May December Romances for Cougars: I’m an embarrassment to feminists worldwide (I secretly hide my shame from my close girlfriend – she used to argue feminine rights during college drinking games with my frat boy neighbors). I like to think of myself as forward-thinking and heck, I’m a modern woman who brings in half the bacon in the Smokinhot household. But darn if I can’t hack a contemporary romance book where the woman is significantly older than the hero. My cut off is 4-5 year difference, any more and I think Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. I briefly tried to psycho-analyze * crickets * why I’m ‘okay’ with this theme in f/f and m/m. And all Freud and Jung do is give me a headache in both eyes.
BDSM Club Themes: And no I’m not going to go into on how vanilla I am (nervously giggles). I just can’t ‘go there’ with club themes especially in erotic romance, particularly in m/m. This may be my Midwest Methodist roots rearing its ugly head, but I immediately get pulled out of my suspension of disbelief when I read “you will submit to me while I play with you wearing rubber accessories in a room above the dance floor” (insert eyeroll here). The only book I could somewhat hack because it was too awesome to put down, is Sloan Parker’s More. K-Khan on the other hand can’t get enough of this stuff. We’ve agreed to disagree and she will no longer parade her latex outfits for me to see. Gives me the scratch.
I’m Mad atchu, No wait, I love you, Now I hate you, but will realize I love with only two pages left in the book: I don’t mind some sexy banter every now and again. BUT, if the main hero & heroine (or if you’re like me, hero & hero) bicker through out the entire book to build ‘tension’. Well, this turns me off faster than Britney Spears out in public sans a brassiere. Also, I have grandparents that communicate via yelling. I get enough of this in real life so I prefer not to read about it when I’m trying to ‘escape’. The way my grandmother’s shrill voice yells “Owen (repeatedly, since he is deaf)” nails on a chalk board.
Share with the class, what turns you off?
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LOL great post!
I gotta agree with most, but i do enjoy the BDSM theme if done in moderation… and the last one… if done right, can be quite appealing… ex: Kate & Curran =)))
xoxo
Lol, I LOVE mobsters, shows, movies, books, yeah, I am pretty into it
The last one bugs the crap out of me-and it’s becoming more the norm then not in romances. I also hate it when I read a series book and past couples are featured more heavily then the current romance being told in the book.
I got to say one of the big turn off’s for me in the books is if the hero forces the heroine to have sex with him. Over done with. When I read the Darkyn Series by Lynn Viehl I got so mad at the hero in the first book I damn near left the series all together. Rape is never cool, not even in bloodlust.
First of all, that anti-fart graphic is awesome.
I haven’t read any books yet where any characters have ties to the mob so I haven’t developed a turnoff to that. Yet.
Out of all of these, the last one is probably my BIGGEST turnoff while reading a book. I love love feisty back-and -forth dialog, but that is way different than the characters hem-hawing between polar opposite feelings all thru the book. I love it when the characters know what they want, how they feel and they GO FOR THE PRIZE! Not “Hamlet” their way thru the entire story.
Totally agree with last one…don’t do that with two pages left
I like May-Dec romances in m/m…leave the women out..LOL
I don’t mind the mob. Keith Melton wrote Blood Vice with a great mob theme. Otherwise, not sure if I have read any others.
Hmmm…Turn-offs:
Anything to do with a ship or a boat – I just can’t do it. Don’t know why but it is the reason I never finished Diana Gabaldon’s Echo in the Bone – they’re on a freakin ship for half the book so far.
I hate the May/Dec romance for any sex.
I was actually thinking about this yesterday – One thing I do like the story device where there’s a big misunderstanding and they break up but then they’re both totally miserable, to the point they’re looking unhealthy. And then they get together and see how miserable the other is and little hearts fly around their heads. Sappy, I know, but true.
I’m so vanilla I could be classified a new color. BDSM freaks me out anyway, but when they go really crazy I’m like, “Whaaaa??”
I’m ok with the mob theme.
May/Dec romances are ok as long as no one is more then 5 yrs older. Any more age diff and I start thing, “PERV!!!” and get creeped out.
My big pet peeve is stupidness. Can’t stand a stupid H/H. If they are stupid I have to walk away.
just read a very fustrating “i hate/love/hate/emo/ love you with 2 pages left”
at least give me a 10+ pg epilogue after that!
i have a VERY weird turnoff… here goes…i like my H/H to meet for the first time in the “present” setting of the book. i HAVE to see the meet cute. i have to see them getting to know each other in the current storyline in the book.
im not big on flashbacks to when they went fishing as 5 year olds on the pond between their two properties and he’s loved her ever since. or she crushed on him in HS but he just saw her as his math tutor until she got all-grow-ed-up and pretty. if i read a summary and its all “when she runs into her childhood sweetheart, ” or, or “they’ve been coworkers for 3 years but a murder in their office makes them realize their true feelings,” or “she spotted her exfiance across the ballroom for the first time in 5 years after he jilted her at the altar”…?
nope not interested.
Give me the meet-cute or give me death!
I love your list (and graphic)! For me, the conflict that could be resolved if only the MC’s would actually talk to each other is a big bother. Why can’t the hero just say, “I’d love to stay with you but the bad guy will kill my mom if I don’t deliver the bananas by Sunday?” or what have you.
This is a great post and if you leave it up for a day or two, I’ll reply – having a bad week! Maybe I’ll get a chance to list my turn-offs (ala the playboy centerfold – little finger in side of mouth…my turn offs are guys who wear short ties and high-waisted pants…) or write a somewhat intelligent response.
I can tolerate a whole lot in anything I read, but the one thing I can’t stand is a wimpy heroine. Now when I say that, I don’t mean a soft spoken female who is uncertain and unsure. I mean full out wimp (can’t do anything for herself, relies solely on the man, and is more arm and bed candy than anything else) with a box of Kleenex and swollen, tear logged eyes.
The rest? Bring it.
@Larissa Kate Daniels and Curran’s tension is like no other, I like that they actually fight physically. That I don’t mind, it is more of the constant bickering for no good reason.
@blodeuedd hubs has ruined me! Before I met him I used to be able to watch mob movies, now I’m a lost cause.
@Colette A Buckeye Girl Reads sometimes I don’t mind when past couples make guest appearances in other books, but the main characters romance should take center state.
@Lily I agree, most of the time forced seduction comes off creepy.
@Pamela (SpazP) feisty not to be confused with arguing. Like what @Larissa mentioned in Kate Daniels series, Kate and Curran’s tension is feisty therefore I heart it. Lora Leigh breed series, not so much.
@Mandi exatomundo! I’ll have to check out Keith Melton’s books if it is anything like The Sopranos I may not like it ;( darn hubs *shakes fist*
@Patti big misunderstanding and they break up but then they’re both totally miserable and then they get back together –> Never gets old to me!!!! I’m also a big fan of when the hero or heroine has had a huge crush on the main character.
@tori aka ggs_closet stupid= not sexy. I can’t think of a book right now (I’ve only had 1 cup of coffee) where heroine or hero were stupid…*KC thinks*
@Lusty Reader LOL there are a lot of books where h/h meet in the past that I enjoy, but there is something about the present meet-cute that gets my heart going.
@Wren exactly!
@Julia Rachel Barrett wishing you a great weekend to get over your bad day.
@Jaime I can’t believe I didn’t put this on my list (stupid jet lag), I absolutely can’t stand a wimpy heroine or what I term weak. Not attractive, not one bit.
KC I need that graphic so I can print it out and place it in my marital bed. I seem to always known when Mr. K is getting up as a loud sound and gaseous wind blows back my hair.
AFter that random bit of TMI, I REALLY hate the I love you, no I hate you routine. I’m all for sexual tension, but I don’t want to go to therapy after I read a book because their roller-coaster of a relationship has affected me so.
Love the post..and I agree with you about the mob thing – for me it all goes back to this one landlord I had – we signed the lease at a restaurant where everyone knew him, he had his own table, put the meal on his tab and then called me from the parking lot when he left (and me and hubs were still there) and told me I had to try the tiramisu. I think we were part of the “family” then after the tiramisu..
I’m also vanilla about the BDSM theme.. it’s come up in a few books I’ve read – sometimes it’s kind of glossed over and that’s fine but when it’s hardcore and takes up many pages then it creeps me out a bit..I keep thinking of V from BDB..he was a very naughty BDSM boy…
I’m with Tori too that I hate a stupid heroine..there’s naive then there’s need to smack some sense into the girl…not a fan..
That picture gave me a good chuckle. Sorry, I have the plot where the heroine ends up pregnant with hero’s seed, runs away and he walks back into the picture wanting to claim both his baby and baby’s mama.
@ Heather I just have to reply to you. I love V, I really do. He’s my favourite vampire and considering all the PR I read, that’s saying something. But I have to point out (and I had a discussion with a friend about this too) that what V did before Jane was not real BDSM. I’ve never been a participant, but from what I understand from various sources is that the scene is supposed to be about both parties, not just the dom. It should be about the sub’s needs, especially as she (in this case, she) places her trust in him. What V did was essentially strip the female of any identity, they were masked so he couldn’t see their faces (and they couldn’t see him, but that’s another issue — my vampire has a lot of them) and he used their bodies to wear down his tension and frustration. He didn’t physically abuse them, but I can’t help but wonder if his brand of sex was a form of emotional abuse. He gave them the experience and nothing else. They weren’t allowed to demand anything of him or be jealous that he had sex with others as well. If they weren’t willing to give him what he needed on his terms, it was over with them. The end. I don’t know why it’s not a dealbreaker for me, because I definitely would be turned off and outraged if another character did the same thing. My understanding is that the gift of submission is supposed to be valued and the dom is responsible for the sub’s experience and pleasure. Anyway, as much as I love V, faults and all, I didn’t want you equating him with BDSM. What he did was a perversion of that, if that makes sense.
I don’t mind any of those but the last one. The “I love you, no I hate, no I love you, no I hate you” books drive me crazy. I have little tolerance for fickle wishy washy people in my real life and absolutely no tolerance for them in the books I read.
Great post!
MsM
Well, speaking as an author…I’ll make a note of all those before I send a request for a review. Grins…
I don’t like BDSM club theme books either. Can’t stand 90% of them, in fact. If the writing is really good and pulls me in long before the club scene, I am okay, but that is a difficult feat. I don’t do club scenes in my writing, but I don’t write hard BDSM either. I write to my own interpretation of my experiences and personal knowledge.
Mobsters…eh, no.
May-December…I’ve done a number of these contemporaries, one with a 10 year age difference. But, since then, usually 5-8 years. I love writing these books. I can’t write young 20-something women so, I write older women, mid-late 30′s and late 20′s-mid 30′s men.
The last one you list… I call that the Brett Farve Syndrome… I’ve been guilty of this kind too, but have tried hard to NOT write this way anymore. Someone slap me if I do…
I’m off now to go look through my works in progress to see what other faux pas I have…grins
Lissa
What turns me off: Cop themed romances. I can’t stand them! If there’s any mention of an FBI/Detective/Sheriff character in the blurb, I’m out. I don’t really know why that is though… I’m chaulking it up to the overwelming amout of TV shows dedicated to the theme which I staunchly refuse to watch.
Oh, and I’m with you on the cougar theme. Me no likey either. I simply can’t understand it. Maybe when I’m my mother’s age, maybe then I can understand but at 27 – nope, not having it. I’ve always had a thing for older guys anyway. Hell, my hubby is four years older than me and it was a total selling point back when I was 19. Still is come to think of it.
Hugs, VFG
That last one can really bug me, however, I know I still may like it if it makes sense in the book. Still, it would bug me.
I think what turns me off is a whiny wimpy woman who can not talk and chew gum at the same time. Can’t do a thing without a man around telling her what and how to do it. UGH. I hate that in books. I don’t mind a woman coming into her own. Learning from being sheltered to being her own woman… but those that never learn or suddenly go totally backward to wimpy… no thanks. Total turn off for me.
I agree with all of your turn-off’s and want to add one more. I don’t really care for the secret baby theme. I think if a woman gets pregnant she should at least inform the father that he has a child.
@ Heather Stupid heroines are the worst. Whenever I read a book with a dumb heroine I feel like asking the universe for those hours of my life back.
@ Katiebabs I’m in. I don’t mind when the alpha comes back to claim his woman. That’s ingrained in our DNA from the cavemen days. I keep telling Mr. K, now I’m going to run away to this specific location and you are to come storming in, find me, kidnap me and take me back and ravish me. I can’t believe he is being such a square about this.
@ Allison V is just a whole bucket of screwed up and his sexual appetites even made me a little uncomfy at times, and I’ve read Kate Douglas’ Wolf Tales….! BDSM is very much a love/hate thing, although KC doesn’t care for it, I actually do! I feel it does get a bit formulaic at times. Although Lora Leigh used to write some kick ass ones back in the day.
@Lissa I like a good variety of ages. Since I am not a nubile, 19 year-old, it does become a bit off-putting when you keep reading a character that is numerically young, but yet somehow has the wisdom of a woman in her late 30′s early 40′s. I like a woman who knows what she want’s and doesn’t need a man to find her passions for her.
@ VFG For some reason I love coped themed romances. It probably has to do with Linda Howard’s Dream man make in the day and my obsession with men in uniform. My fantasies of having a rough in tough police officer reform the bad girl in me, just haven’t seemed to have gone away. And this is even after that a-hole gave me a ticket! Oh, and fist bump on the older man love. I’ve always been a fan of men who are a bit older than me. Tis dead sexy.
@ Melissa Preach it sister! There’s too many wimpy whinny bimbos in the media. Why would we even remotely want to read about them. I mean come on, just take a look at that Heidi chick and her douchey husband Spencer (That’s Spencer and Heidi from the hills). Sadly I know who they are because Mr. K watches the worst T.V. on the planet and now I can’t get their annoying faces out of my head! They are a walking scared-straight advertisement for staying in school.
@ Barbara This does get a bit tiresome at times.
Hey KC! I just did a post recently about pet peeves, and cougars were at the top of the list….there’s something creepy about an older, sex-starved woman and a young, inexperienced guy ripe for the pickin’…..ewwwwww, yuck! Also, most BDSM I have read is crap and I get the feeling a lot of authors sort of throw it in there for the titillation factor, and really have no clue what it is all about. I don’t think I have ever read a romance about the mob….but I don’t like contemporary romances, anyway. I read a Nora Roberts recently where the hero and heroine were fighting right up to the last page, and then they made up…..kissy, kissy face. Oy! I really hate that, too.
@Lissa Matthews I loved your Sugar Rush May/Dec romance, very well done. BUT I have issues more with women in their 40′s having a romance with a man in his early 20′s, think Madonna and Jesus *shudder*. I think my issues revolve around the innocence of the man paired with the aggressiveness of an older woman – makes me think of stranger danger (offering candy).
@K-Khan I’ll print out the fart pic and we can duct tape it to Mr. K’s pillow.
Especially the last one turns me off too. Really annoying! And I’m not a fan of an age difference so huge that she can be his mother *shudder* Up to ten years is okay
The first and the last one is a pet peeve for me as well – there is always a high level of inconsistency with those themee..
BDSM and the May/Dec romance have there moments – and can hit the the spot especially when I need a fast read..
E.H>
@Janna (ErotRomReader) bickering back and forth grates on my nerves as a reader different than sexy banter or witty repartee. I wonder in my 40′s I’ll like romance books with younger men…
@Erotic Horizon I like BDSM…in small doses. I, however do not care for the books that take place for the most part, in a BDSM Club. Turns me off.
“I wonder in my 40’s I’ll like romance books with younger men…”
LOL! Who knows… Just for the record, I’m not in my 40′s either, still in my 30′s!
So, I can’t tell if there will be a change *g*
Oooh – What a great post — and graphic!
I haven’t read any mob-type books yet, so I don’t think I should comment on them. As for the BSDM — it definitely doesn’t bother me – if it’s written well. For example – The Reluctant Dom made me want to rip my heart out and never read anything erotic again. And there were a couple of other books that made me think, ‘Eeewww.’ However, Shayla Black’s Wicked Ties I thought was rather yummy!
With the cougar thing, I think it depends on just how old the characters are to begin with, and the context of the story.
The last one you mentioned is very true for me as well — and it seems like this is happening more and more! I just finished a book where the heroine and hero had trust issues up until the last couple of chapters.
My absolute BIGGEST pet peeve is whimpy heroines! I don’t mean shy, or nervous, or unsure. I mean the ones that either play over-the-top naive or spineless. I’m not sure if they’ve seen a newspaper lately, but it’s the 21st century! The don’t have to be aggressive, or dominant, or even fail to show weakness, but just not always cowering down.
Great post topic!
Much like you, I can’t hack May/December romances. A few years is ok, but if the woman is 10+ years older than the man, I can’t do it…. even though FH is 11 years older than me. Hypocritical of me? Maybe. But I have a younger brother who’s 11 years younger than I am and I guess I relate older women & younger men to me dating someone my brother’s age. And that just gives me the heebie jeebies.
I do like the mobster themes, but I haven’t seen many that are well done in books, so I’ll just stick with The Sopranos for now (FH and I watch it together every weekend when they replay the Lite version on A&E), LOL. And as for the BDSM themes… well, I can hang with those, but they’re not my normal cuppa. I have to be in a mood for those.
OH! The I love you, I hate you, no wait I love you books? HATE. Either you love them or you hate them. Grownups talk. They don’t act like complete morons, bone each other, and convince themselves that they really do hate the other person or they’re going to get over them by hooking up. Yeah right. Once you get a taste, you want MORE.
What REALLY bothers me is when females are whiny, snivelling, and stupid. I hate weak women. If it’s a weak woman who finds her strength, I can hang (provided she’s not a total moron to begin with) but if she’s a total Mary Sue Dumbass, I’ll put the book down and walk away. And I NEVER do that.
@mamakitty wimpy heroines make me want to take a dirt nap
I need to see the couple meet, greet and make it sweet. I hate it when the hero/heroine are married at the beginning of the book. I’d never buy one of those on purpose, so if I end up with one, it’s because I got tricked by a blurb/sample that read like a courtship novel.
I might get fooled once, but I probably won’t read that author again!!
Turn offs…”I love you but I can’t tell you but I love you but I can’t tell you but I love you but I can’t tell you but I love you but I can’t tell you and I don’t think you love me…do you love me? I’ll never ask…I’ll just run off and put myself in terrible danger rather than find out.” I lose hair over this nauseating scenario.
I detest whiny, helpless heroines, ridiculously macho heroes and dialogue that consists of quips.
Although I’ve written a Cougar story, I went with the minimum age difference the publisher allowed – I’m just not into granny messing with the eighteen year old next door. I did once date a guy five years younger than me. He was very mature!