The wedding is over, the honeymoon a distant memory and now cold hard reality has set in. Now that she’s relocated, K-Khan has to get serious, she has GOT to get a JOB. Although, I did try pretty hard to sell the whole ‘CEO of the household route’, but seeing as how Mr. K and I do not have any children, telling him that I would be there caring for our cat, and making his sack lunches didn’t make him laugh as much as I thought it would. Also, seeing as how we are living at my mother in law’s house until I find a job, this has created a rather urgent need that has lit a fire under my kester like you wouldn’t believe.
Mission “Get a Job and Get Our Own Place” began as any other person who is looking for a job in a depressed economy. With the use of job seeking search engines and pleading to any Tom, Dick and Harry to pretty please take a chance on me! Does it matter that I have a background in management, corporate training, and administration. Sadly the answer is no. Does it matter that I have a wicked nasty sense of humor and can project manage like a whizz? Again, the answer is no. No, No, No, No! I am 27 years old, have managed whole departments and now I can’t get a job because my Microsoft outlook assessment stated that I was “below average”. I’m a GMAIL user! Nevertheless, things have changed in the short year that I’ve been a returning student. And this is what I have come to find out
1. No longer can you simply call and ask to speak to the hiring manager about employment opportunities. You’ll be flagged as a weirdo stalker and asked to not call this number again.
2. One has to ease back into the corporate dress. After being in sneakers for the past year, putting on 3 1/2 pumps and walking down main street is not a good plan of attack. This leads to blisters, sweating, and cursing the aforementioned pumps while throwing them in the trash and walking the rest of the way back to your car in your bare feet. Again, this does not help one’s professional appearance, or ‘can do attitude.’
3. Learn patience. Filling out your personal information 100 times a day is a positive thing. You’re bound to get at least one hit…right?
4. Do not respond to ads on Craiglist for female companions for an elderly man who needs someone to take to business meetings and to give massages. Things are never that desperate.
5. My dream job of twittering, blogging, and reading Smut isn’t available on Monster.com
6. Finally, don’t loose your sense of humor and hope. Watch the movie The Road and every single failed interview or missed opportunity will seem like a golden opportunity. I could be depressed about how long it’s taking to find a job, or I could be trying to survive an apocalypse that has left cannibalistic humans. It’s important to have perspective in life.
To quote one of my favorite movies, Galaxy Quest. “Never Give Up, Never Surrender” and remember worst case scenario, Starbucks has benefits.
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My 3 favorite parts:
“telling him that I would be there caring for our cat, and making his sack lunches didn’t make him laugh as much as I thought it would.”
“Does it matter that I have a wicked nasty sense of humor and can project manage like a whizz? ”
“5. My dream job of twittering, blogging, and reading Smut isn’t available on Monster.com”
Hi.La.Rious.
This post cracked me up so bad, sorry! And, er, good luck!!!
Much good luck to you hun!
and if you get a job tweeting, blogging and smut reading, hook a girl up too!!! =D
Really, I’m laughing WITH you!
Seriously, a few years back I decided to change my career track (at age 37). For one memorable interview, I actually took time off from work, went to the interview, paid for parking, did the whole interview routine with the HR person, it was all looking very good, and then the boss came out, didn’t look at my resume, and told me he was “too old to babysit a new employee”. WTF? I promptly got into my car and drove back to work, stopping first to grab a quick lunch – and locked my keys in the car. Not one of my best days
I hope you find something soon!
Learned that one the hard way.
Can you believe my hubs fell for that one?
I’m currently rocking this job and robbing banks on the side until legit cash starts rolling in.
@Spazie I keep telling K-Khan to hang in there. One job made her take a 2 hour personality quiz O_o
@Claire (Sparklybearsy) I told K-Khan to text me immediately if she saw any jobs like this:
tweeting, blogging and smut reading.
@Patti What an arsehole!
@Fiction Vixen hook me up. I’ll be happy to rob banks with you (whispers to the FBI, I’m only joking)
*cries* a two hour personality test?????
a personality test alone is bad enough.
Hang in there!!
I was just reading an article on Yahoo about the unemployed being turned down for jobs because they are unemployed. I read that employers want people who already have a job, which is BS since this economy has millions of people out of jobs for reasons that are not their fault.
Fav quote: “telling him that I would be there caring for our cat, and making his sack lunches didn’t make him laugh as much as I thought it would.”
hee hee hee…this is awesome! Actually, I can see a lot of positive things about working at Starbuck’s. Loads of free coffee, discounts on gift cards…people are always happy to see you! Good luck with the job search! It’s a joke in my family that I am actually averse to making money. At my last job, I paid the babysitter more per hour than I was bringing home in my paycheck. (She drove a Mercedes…a high school student! Ugh!)–also, writing romance novels hasn’t turned out to be a real money maker. Yet. I’m still dreaming that someday I’ll end up like Jackie Collins, who has a gorgeous cream-colored home office and wears stiletto pumps everyday to “work”–
It could happen!
Good luck!
My prayers are with you my dear….
I think we can work on the kittie thing… They need TLC too… all day long! LOL!
But I do understand living with in-laws can always light a fire under your… well…
Starbucks… now there is an idea.. Take breaks and you can read and wifi… hey! I am hearing opportunities!
If not… the book store!
Good luck hun!
@Spazie I hire people all the time. I would laugh in someone’s face if they handed me a personality test, how on earth does that make you qualified for a position??? Also, K-Khan had to take Microsoft office skillz test, here is the kicker (I’ve taken it before) if you do shortcuts it will mark it wrong *eyeroll*
@Sarah (My World of Books) I agree, any employer who thinks hiring people that were laid off were bad employees, need to rethink their mentality.
@Penelope I keep urging K to work at Starbucks or Barnes & Noble so she can get me free stuff. K-Khan continues to ignore my texts.
LOL…my poor K-Khan.
That is why I started my own company. Only I can truly appreciate my awesomeness.
But I will tell something that worked for me when I was part of the real world.
When I moved here to FL I couldn’t find a job to say my life. NOBODY would call me back.
Honest to God, corporate numbers were being changed to avoid me.
A company I really wanted to work for was avoiding me and that will not be tolerated.
So I marched in there like I owned the place and waited. When snotty receptionist finally looked up from beneath her uni brow I asked how much longer I would have to await.
For what she asked?
Why, for my interview I said.
What interview? We have no interviews scheduled for you.
Oh yes you do.
And I rattled off a HR name I snagged off the internet from a satellite company and told her they told me to come here for an interview.
Well, I interviewed and got the job.
The moral of the story? I may go to hell for lying but at least I’ll have a fab purse and wardrobe to take with me.
I just watched The Road last night. Wanted to swim into the ocean and drown. How depressing.
Maybe we can start out own company of blogging, tweeting and reading Smut?
HOLY CRAP, Tori that is the most amazing inspirational story on getting a job EVER!
Next to the fact that I hope you land a dream job very soon I laughed my booty off…I mean:
5. My dream job of twittering, blogging, and reading Smut isn’t available on Monster.com
Really? Gawd, who’d thought *frowns in wonder*
I’m glad you’ve kept your sense of humor, the economy is so bad you want to cry a bucket full and the only thing that is left to do is keeping up your humor skilz. K-Khan, there’s nothing wrong with yours
and whenever you want to vent…we’re here for youuuuuuu!
@tori aka ggs_closet —> “uni-brow” you have brass balls and I like that
I would cower in fear if I told a fib to get an interview. My poker face needs a lot of work.
Your story is so inspiring and one day I wish to be my own CEO, have my own assistant, and fab purse.
@katiebabs I may have suggested K and her hubs watch The Road *guilty face*. Srsly, when he and his son go into that house and the people under the stairs were for eating I set my dinner aside and lost my appetite. All I can say is I want to be killed in the first wave if the apocalypse hits.
What the funny thing is, is that I have actually thought about applying at Starbucks recently!! LMAO! My fiance and I just moved to new state due to his job transfer, so I’m currently an unemployed teacher trying to career change and go back in to management (currently working on my MBA). I do the whole, get up at 5:15 am thing to make his lunches, than manage the bills (or collectors!
), manage the coupons because we’re on one paycheck now, manage checking the mailbox, manage relocating the vehicle off the streets on Mon & Thurs for street sweeping, and so on! We don’t have children either, so I’m running out of excuses! LOL!
In reality I’m trying to open my own business, but it takes money and really good credit – non of which I have to spare. Therefore, I’m looking for a part-time job! Boo!
And, wth is a Microsoft skills test? Should I know about this? Gah! The job market is seriously cut-throat!
Good luck with everything! I would love to say your dream job is out there!
Who knows. Maybe we’ll be scrapping over the last Starbucks application!
OK, I just checked out the synopsis for The Road since I wasn’t sure what movie all yinz guys were talking about. Oh. My. God. Are you kidding me? That seriously sounds like the most depressing movie on the face of the earth. You would have to read about 500 romance novels to upset the emotional toll of watching that sucker. As much as I love Viggo Mortensen, I will never ever ever watch that movie. Yikes!
I bow in the presence of your greatness @ Tori. This is why the meek will never inherit the earth. We’re just too scared.
@ Katiebabs I couldn’t sleep after I watched the movie. I kept turning to Mr. K and telling him, “Now our plan is take me out in the first wave”, I can’t live without chocolate or a shower.
@ Penelope You go girl! Since they often say to dress for the job you want, I think you should definitely break out the stilettos. As for me, If I start wearing scrubs or a lab coat people might get the wrong idea and place me in an insane asylum. This is why the book the Secret doesn’t always translate well.
@ Cecile WIFI breaks, why didn’t I think of this sooner! Talk about a job with benefits!
@ Pamela The personality test also had like a mini SAT section. I can’t remember the last time I was asked in the professional world Dog is to Cat as Plastic is to…..
@Leontine I think I’ve narrowed my focus, my dream job for the time being is a steady pay check and something that’s Monday through Friday. It’s amazing what little expectations you can have in this economy.
I just finished with a phone interview where I found myself giggling and going off on tangents where I ended up asking, “What was the question again”? Amazingly, I have an interview so instead of asking people Do you want fries with that, I will instead be asking, “How many copies did you say you needed?”.
@ Claire Thanks! no luck so far on the jobs that require you to twitter yet.
@ Patti aren’t interviews the worst. I can remember one of my first interviews out of college. I didn’t know that when Farmer’s insurance calls you for an interview it’s actually a giant sales meeting to get you to buy into their pyramid scheme. Two hours later, I finally had to tell the man, I’m a broke college student, I can’t ‘invest’ in my future quite yet.
@ FV Seriously what was Tom..ehem, I mean, that dirty old man thinking. As if anyone would call to find out what he meant by companion. (guilty expression).
I have a backup plan if The Road ever becomes a reality. My sparkling vampire emo boyfriend will change me into one of him and we will suck all the starving humans dry.
One thing… microsoft is evil. Just sayin’… Also, cats do require LOTS of care, right?
Well, keep writing like this and I bet you’ll get a job soon. You never know what will show up. I’d say to go for the B&N job over the Starbucks one (although ours has a Starbucks in it). If you worked at SB, I don’t think you’d ever get to sleep again. At least B&N will give you discounts on books. Wait, what? Can’t spend all money on books? Damn… goes my dream.
@Tori… I bow to your greatness…
*crosses fingers* for you! Good luck!
I feel for you, K Khan but I laughed so hard because of the way you’ve written it all down!
I see a brilliant future for you as a freelance writer of witty columns for a trendy magazine/webzine! You didn’t know I was a fortune teller, did you?
Hold up… The personality test had an SAT section?? Were you applying to work for NASA? Screw THAT employer, good riddance.
@ Katiebabs…Then you’d be one of the ‘bad guys’!
@ Melissa Who knew that taking a Microsoft assessment test would make me feel as if I was the new pimply-faced kid in Jr. High, who of course just had to get acne before everyone else did. Sorry, the wound is still fresh. The only bad thing about going to work for SB or B&N is that I have a closet full of boxy suits that make me look like a dwarf line-baker, who’s only telling feminine traits are the overdone make-up and long blonde hair. Took me years to build up that wardrobe. Thank you TJ Maxx.
@ Jana
Dear Universe please listen to Janna (ErotRomReader), she’s good people.
Sincerely,
Your bud KK.
@ Pamela, The personality questions were a hoot. I mean really, I could have lied and said yes, I love to be a type A personality, who doesn’t trust upper management, likes to manipulate people into getting my way and gets (and I quote) “frustrated and annoyed” with people easily. But that would be a lie, and honestly, there’s nothing more that I hate than doing sales. Makes me go into the fetal position. I’ll take customer service over that any day!
@ Tanya We can be sisters in arms, working for the ‘man’ at starbucks. I feel like the colors black and kelly green are good for me. Plus, you wouldn’t have to even think about what to wear to work. That’s like a total hi-five moment. Hang in there! I’m still going for the good ol master’s too. Someone laughed in my face when I told them and snidely replied “Over educated and underpaid”. My mom taught me to be a lady. ONe doesn’t get into an altercation, one just thinks nasty thoughts and then pastes a pleasant smile on her face. Then thanks the person for their time and politely informs them that they have a piece of food in their teeth.
Neither of you are meek. I’m just a little older and have less to lose. lol I ‘m pretty sure I lost my dignity in college.
I think the one time I took the MS personalty test it flashed me “YOU SCARE US-LEAVE NOW”
I’ve been in bad shape for a job before but I am not sure I would have had the patience to stay to take a personality test, it offends me so much on so many levels.
I TOTALLY realize what it says about me and my personality by having that kind of reaction to a personality test LMAO!
@tori aka ggs_closet I remember taking a placement test, you know where it lists what kinds of occupations you should be in. It said I should be a janitor….I currently manage an online marketing division. Tests are crap!
KC-I was once told on a job placement test I would make a great accountant. The problem?
I’m number dyslexic. Helllooo?
lol You’re too funny. At least you still have your sense of humor, right? Just try to keep it while you continue your job search!
I’da thrown my heels in the trash as well!
Ahhhh Galaxy Quest – at least you’re not red shirt guy – or even Guy.
Yes! Another Galaxy Quest fan! Frankly my dear, the job market sucks. No one wants to meet with you in person. Applications are submitted on line. There are hundreds or even thousands of applicants for every job that opens up. If you are one of the lucky ones, you may get to participate in a group interview. Wear a bright color and the heels.
I wish you luck. Most of my neighbors have been out of work for two effin’ years! I think there are jobs in Texas. Austin is a nice place!